Gay life after 40

If you are experiencing, for whatever reason, an inability to orgasm, realize that the goal of all sex is not orgasm: ED is certainly not always a component of age — it can start at any age for a large number of reasons — but many men as they age feel that it is a painful source of shame to them. All of us need to change that attitude.

Always remember: Threesomes and group sex: Going after these experiences — or inviting them — can be fun, and sometimes even turn into romantic and emotionally fulfilling situations. Safe sex: Now is not the time to ignore safe sex guidelines. So practice safe sex, and if you are with multiple sex partners, have yourself tested for STDs often.

This is the third in a series of articles by Perry Brass on gay aging.

Previous articles have dealt with attitudes toward aging among young people and older people , and also how gay men, through the effect of gay Baby Boomers, have changed some of their attitudes toward aging. Gay Self Help Books or at perrybrass.

The New Age: Sex After 50, 60 & 70

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3 Essential Steps to Lasting Self-Esteem

Bill Cohen says: Another outstanding, well-written and savvy column by Perry Brass. Where would gay New York be without him? Violet — a tall, striking woman of 60 with snow-white hair — had never married, but she had enjoyed major love affairs with men. Intensely dedicated to her career, she became a TV executive at age After her last relationship with a man ended in her 40s, Violet says she "gave up on love.

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A marketing expert, Susan was in a pleasant but not passionate heterosexual marriage at the time. She valued her extended family — husband, two children and their spouses, and four grandchildren — more than anything else. Susan had never been unfaithful.

She had never been attracted to another woman. But from the moment she and Violet began working together on a project, sparks flew, shocking both women. A physical relationship of 12 years ensued. When Violet finally admitted to herself that the two women would never enjoy a fully realized partnership, she ended the relationship. Susan's husband knew about his wife's involvement and tolerated it, but neither he nor Susan was willing to jeopardize their close-knit family relations.

Violet loved Susan with all her heart, but she did not define herself as gay in the wake of the affair — nor has she become involved in another same-sex relationship since. Her "sexual turnaround" applied to Susan and Susan alone.

Ned had been gay his entire adult life. Though he had a few sexual relationships with women in high school, he never thought of himself as heterosexual or even bisexual: Ned liked women, but he loved men. When he was 29, Ned fell deeply in love with Gerry, a man 10 years older. They remained a couple for 23 years, which included getting married in , the year California first permitted same-sex unions. Like most spouses, Ned and Gerry had their ups and downs, but they always considered their marriage rock-solid.

Life After 'Death'? 10 Reasons Why The 40s Are My Best Gay Decade Yet | HuffPost

Then, turmoil: Gerry was falsely accused of improprieties at work. Eventually, he was exonerated, but Gerry's legal defense took a toll — both personally and financially — on the couple. To help restock their coffers, Ned entered graduate school, where he started spending a lot of time with fellow students. Before long, he had fallen deeply in love with one of them, a woman named Elsa. Gerry was naturally stunned when Ned asked him for a divorce. The moment I clicked over 40, I magically transformed into the most desirable person for vacuous yoof.

I told you, I am no good at this. So I sat there and attempted to make small talk, to take a reasoned view on who is better — Pink or Gaga. I tried to find nice things to say about his Alexander McQueen manbag, a source of great pride. Innocently, I asked him when his birthday was. A date is all I needed, no year was necessary. It fell between us with a thud.

Finally, it was over. Polite goodbyes, awkward little peck, done. As I was walking home, I received the following text message: But the question, mangled as it was, stayed with me: The truth is I am at an awkward age, caught between hopeless romantic, hedonistic bachelor and desperate spinster.


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I am not jaded enough to compromise for someone who is not a good match, too old to enjoy mindless hedonism and not old enough to resign myself to my situation. And, if I can shed 40 years of propaganda, I may come to feel what my mind already knows to be true: Despite that traitor Clooney.